This unplanned, unedited photograph was taken with me in the midst of a phantom dunk on Memorial Day 2009...
…when magnified 1000x you can see what many have believed and science has finally proven: I am Michael Jordan.
In what can only be described as "mounting scientific evidence," I am Michael Jordan.
From the unauthorized, soon to be released 30 for 30 on ESPN.
I'm so Michael Jordan I make Michael Jordan look like Bill Lambeer on a bad day.
The extent to which I am Michael Jordan is even scaring myself.
People think being Michael Jordan is easy, and you know what? It is. Beautiful women throw themselves at you and you can piss away 45k in an hour gambling with Scottie Pippen and not feel any worse than if you washed a dollar in your pocket.
My name is Michael Jordan, and I am in love.
Uncannily similar appearances on Bill Swerski's Superfans in 1991.
BREAKING NEWS: Cutting edge forensic testing has disproved the theory that I am Michael Jordan. (Ha ha! Just kidding you gullible twit. I'm still totally Michael Jordan.)